Keeping up with life is not as easy as it seems. I think it can get ahead of you and it's really hard to catch up.
This weekend has been out of control. Friday bro stayed home because he was still sick so I watched him and then got the other two off the bus. I made a really good dinner of baked chicken, oven roasted potatoes, salad and brownies. Then some of my friends came over to hang. It was fun :)
Saturday was awesome.....Manny, Zom and I went to our friend's wedding. It was absolutely beautiful. I loved the dresses, the flowers, the food, the dancing and more. We left kinda early but it was okay. I totally sprained my ankle, but I don't really care. It was worth it! Besides my shoes were hot lol!
That night Manny slept over again and she left early this morning to go to work. Then boys came and woke me up early. I just want to sleep in!!!! Is that too much to ask? obviously it is.....
Today was terrible and I am in the worst mood. I got up and watched the kids. Then we all went out to lunch and went grocery shopping. That was so awful. Father is freaking out of control. He was screaming at the kids and at my poor bro! He was trying to help!! Then we spent the (usual) amount of $365 for 6 people at the store. He flipped out over that too. I seriously almost cried after that, but I kinda used all the tears I've had last night. After being scarred for life at the store and being embarrassed, we went home. We put the groceries away and then more bad happened. Father decided that he needed to rest and not be bothered for the rest of the day so I got to watch the rest of the kids. I was irritated by this. Bro 1 was using my computer and the other one wanted to swim so I had to go outside and watch him in the pool. Then I got a text from my lovely college saying that there was a tornado warning. So I got him inside and of course that was the time the other bro wanted to swim. He had a really bad tantrum and in the end didn't want to go swimming. He started to cry and hurt me so I had to get him into the bathroom and have him sit down. I took a wet towel to his face and got him calmed down after awhile. (Obviously father had no idea what to do). I was able to give him a new movie that I said the movie fairy brought and he watched his movie and we got pizza for dinner. He was still crying a while after though. He kept talking about how he missed his old cat, dog, friend kyle, and more stuff. Then sister didn't want pizza, she wanted this chicken and pasta with tomatoes and alfredo sauce. So I had to make that too. After bro 1 had one slice of pizza he went and took a nap. Father said he couldn't get him up.(are you freaking serious?) so then he showered bro 2 and went to pick up mother at the airport after her LOVELY weekend in MIAMI (sounds nice huh??). So I had to wake up my 200 lb 5'10 or 5'11 brother to go to the bathroom and brush his teeth and get his pj's on and get him into his bed. I got him just fine to do it. Then mother just got home and I didn't say one word to her. They have been upstairs the whole time.
I am also bothered by myself right now. Maybe I just shouldn't be around people. I'm such a screw up. I can't do anything right. I just want to make people happy and I can't. I respect some people so much that when I mess up..i get really sad. I would like to keep people close for once and I can't even do that. ugh. I can't even look in the mirror sometimes I get so disgusted. Sometimes I would love to cut all ties and be alone. That way I wouldn't have to bother people. I just am ashamed at some of the things I do and feel. I'm telling you if I didn't have bro 1 and have to mother to three kids, I would've ended it a long time ago.
I'm very worried for the summer. I still haven't found a job. I hope to hang out with Manny, but even that won't be easy. I have no money. I'm negative in all of my accounts. I am useless. I'm scared to be honest. I get really alone in the summer and I hate it.
Plus I'm freaking out about next Thursday. I'm not sure I can handle it. I've been reading this book and it's funny, but I don't want to be like that. ughhhh too much to worry about at this point.
A drink would be lovely at this moment!
This weekend has been out of control. Friday bro stayed home because he was still sick so I watched him and then got the other two off the bus. I made a really good dinner of baked chicken, oven roasted potatoes, salad and brownies. Then some of my friends came over to hang. It was fun :)
Saturday was awesome.....Manny, Zom and I went to our friend's wedding. It was absolutely beautiful. I loved the dresses, the flowers, the food, the dancing and more. We left kinda early but it was okay. I totally sprained my ankle, but I don't really care. It was worth it! Besides my shoes were hot lol!
That night Manny slept over again and she left early this morning to go to work. Then boys came and woke me up early. I just want to sleep in!!!! Is that too much to ask? obviously it is.....
Today was terrible and I am in the worst mood. I got up and watched the kids. Then we all went out to lunch and went grocery shopping. That was so awful. Father is freaking out of control. He was screaming at the kids and at my poor bro! He was trying to help!! Then we spent the (usual) amount of $365 for 6 people at the store. He flipped out over that too. I seriously almost cried after that, but I kinda used all the tears I've had last night. After being scarred for life at the store and being embarrassed, we went home. We put the groceries away and then more bad happened. Father decided that he needed to rest and not be bothered for the rest of the day so I got to watch the rest of the kids. I was irritated by this. Bro 1 was using my computer and the other one wanted to swim so I had to go outside and watch him in the pool. Then I got a text from my lovely college saying that there was a tornado warning. So I got him inside and of course that was the time the other bro wanted to swim. He had a really bad tantrum and in the end didn't want to go swimming. He started to cry and hurt me so I had to get him into the bathroom and have him sit down. I took a wet towel to his face and got him calmed down after awhile. (Obviously father had no idea what to do). I was able to give him a new movie that I said the movie fairy brought and he watched his movie and we got pizza for dinner. He was still crying a while after though. He kept talking about how he missed his old cat, dog, friend kyle, and more stuff. Then sister didn't want pizza, she wanted this chicken and pasta with tomatoes and alfredo sauce. So I had to make that too. After bro 1 had one slice of pizza he went and took a nap. Father said he couldn't get him up.(are you freaking serious?) so then he showered bro 2 and went to pick up mother at the airport after her LOVELY weekend in MIAMI (sounds nice huh??). So I had to wake up my 200 lb 5'10 or 5'11 brother to go to the bathroom and brush his teeth and get his pj's on and get him into his bed. I got him just fine to do it. Then mother just got home and I didn't say one word to her. They have been upstairs the whole time.
I am also bothered by myself right now. Maybe I just shouldn't be around people. I'm such a screw up. I can't do anything right. I just want to make people happy and I can't. I respect some people so much that when I mess up..i get really sad. I would like to keep people close for once and I can't even do that. ugh. I can't even look in the mirror sometimes I get so disgusted. Sometimes I would love to cut all ties and be alone. That way I wouldn't have to bother people. I just am ashamed at some of the things I do and feel. I'm telling you if I didn't have bro 1 and have to mother to three kids, I would've ended it a long time ago.
I'm very worried for the summer. I still haven't found a job. I hope to hang out with Manny, but even that won't be easy. I have no money. I'm negative in all of my accounts. I am useless. I'm scared to be honest. I get really alone in the summer and I hate it.
Plus I'm freaking out about next Thursday. I'm not sure I can handle it. I've been reading this book and it's funny, but I don't want to be like that. ughhhh too much to worry about at this point.
A drink would be lovely at this moment!
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