From Dusk til Dawn

  Everyday is a war. I fight with myself, my peers, my family, and everyone. Whether I actually say it, I always fight it. I am disgusted. 


  Today I woke up at 9ish...which wouldn't be bad if I went to be at 2 and didn't sleep until 3ish...and then it was still up and down sleep. I'm sure I will have bad under eye circles soon. Awesome. 


  After I woke up, I was immediately in the call of duty. I had to help get the kids ready for swimming.  Mom took them to swimming and I stayed home and showered (yes..lol) and got ready for horses with Noah. Mom called me at 10:15 because (I think someone said something to her) but she said she saw my facebook status and asked if it was because of her!! REally?? That's what  you first ask?? You don't ask if I'm okay...you just want to make sure you did nothing wrong!! VOMIT!! Of course some of it had to do with you! So I had to lie and say no. I can't tell her crap!! She is so ugh!!!! Then Mom, bro 1 and bro 2 and I went to horses. It's about an hour long drive. Mom was so worried that Noah would freak..He didn't!! Surprisingly..not 


Then we went to Checkers for lunch..ugh gross. After lunch we went to Kohls and got the boys some outfits for Traverse City. Except mom was on the phone the WHOLE time. So I took over and found stuff for them. 


And now I am back here...dying. 


Mom doesn't want to eat at the pizza place I want because she doesn't like it! oh no!! call 911..it's all about mom!!! 


This is so awful. So I am now once again screwed over. I can't wait to leave this place. I would drive to s. carolina right now and never look back. I am just a broken person. No one will ever care for me or understand me..and I would feel bad if anyone tried. I don't just come with baggage, I come with all of the grocery store and Target.


I think if I was to really open up to someone I would explode. I have to be in control and am aware of this. I don't think that someone would even begin to comprehend what I have to say. I'm embarrassed of myself and the choices I have made. I am beginning to really unravel as of now. I can't act too smiley anymore either. I'm trying to seem normal, but I'm doing things that are not. 


LLLLLLLAAAAMMMMEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE.....